Adjustment Period
by Becca Lavender
Summary: As Dan and Blair grow closer, Serena must go through an adjustment period.  DB told through Serena's POV.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's notes: So, this was intended to be a one shot. Somehow, it ended up being much more in depth than I had initially intended, so I'm looking at three chapters. This is the first time I've dabbled with Serena's POV, and I'll admit I found it challenging. She's hard to pin down. Please review, as I know this is really different from what I've done before and I'm curious to see if it works for you. **_

This time, Blair kept Serena in the loop about her friendship with Dan. While Serena had previously thought that she was hurt by their secrecy, she quickly discovered there were other emotions at work as well.

"S, I can't believe you're dragging this California whim of yours on so long," Blair whined over the phone. "I'm stuck dragging _Dan Humphrey_ along with me to scout out venues."

"Dan's helping you with the wedding planning?" Serena asked, puzzled. She wasn't sure what was stranger: that Blair would request Dan's help or that Dan was a willing participant. "B, you're not blackmailing him or anything, are you?"

"Of course not," Blair huffed. "He told me this summer that if I needed any help when I got back to New York, that I could rely on him."

"You know he was probably just saying that to be nice," Serena said skeptically. Serena contemplated the other piece of information in that sentence. "Did you guys keep in touch this summer?"

"Well, Humphrey should learn to not be so _nice_," Blair said tersely, and then paused for a beat. "In answer to your other question, Dan and I are still friends so of course we talk."

Serena hadn't heard from Dan all summer outside of a couple of friendly e-mails, though admittedly things were pretty awkward between them when Serena left for L.A. There was no animosity, but they weren't quite right either.

Serena wanted to probe further into these conversations between Dan and Blair, wanting to know if Blair spoke to Dan as much as she spoke to her. She tried to imagine what they even talked about, seeing as how previously Serena had been the only thing they had in common. Blair had made it clear before that she and Dan shared a connection, one which Serena couldn't understand. 

"I'm glad you have someone to keep you company in the city, B," Serena said, hoping she sounded sincere. "I should give Dan a call and talk to him about the painstaking process of adapting a great novel into a screenplay." Serena couldn't help but mention what she was doing in L.A., reminding Blair that she wasn't just flitting around anymore.

"Oh, Humphrey would never deign to be a screenwriter," Blair said, sounding like this was a conversation that she and Dan had had numerous times. "It's too _structured_ for him."

"Oh," Serena said, trying not to sound disappointed. "I can see that. I've actually been really enjoying it, seeing what movies are like behind the scenes."

"You aren't sad about losing some of the illusions?" Blair asked. "I think seeing what goes on behind the scenes would take away some of the magic."

Serena knew Blair well enough to know that there was more to that comment than meets the eye, but she decided not to press the issue.

"I just like being a part of something, you know?" Serena tried to explain. "Like, in each scene in a movie there are fifty people who helped make that moment happen, and everyone can pinpoint their role."

"You don't secretly wish you were the star?" Blair asked. Serena held back a sigh, wondering if they would ever stop having this same conversation.

"No, I don't need to be the star. I just like feeling important," Serena said truthfully.

When the movie shoot ended, Serena was out of a job and out of excuses to remain in L.A. She opted to stay with her mother, knowing that there would be a wedding planning frenzy at Blair's. Plus, it didn't make much sense to move back in when Blair would be moving to Monaco so soon.

Upon her return, her mother had insisted on hosting a family brunch. Somehow Eric had managed to bail out at the last second, so family brunch somehow consisted of her mom, Rufus and Dan. (Eric had texted her that they should meet up for lunch the next week, but that he just couldn't take their mom right now as she entered the home stretch of her house arrest.)

Serena lounged in the living room as they waited for Dan to arrive. She was looking forward to seeing him, largely because she knew her mother would be on the offensive about college and Dan generally was a good buffer. She also felt that he might be the one person who would support her today when she announced that she wanted to start applying to film schools. There was a part of her that liked that they could be comrades in pursuing the arts, even if Dan's interests were more respected because they had been around longer.

The elevator dinged, signaling Dan's arrival. Serena moved from the living to greet him as he entered. When she reached the foyer, she was surprised to find that Dan was not alone.

"I brought a surprise guest," Dan said happily. Standing beside him was Blair, who looked a little sheepish.

To the untrained eye, there was nothing amiss about Blair's appearance. However, Serena could see that Blair did not quite look like her usually impeccable self. Her skirt was slightly wrinkled, and her makeup seemed imprecise. Serena noticed that her eyes looked slightly puffy, and something seemed off in general. Deciding that this was one of those moments to not press Blair about whatever was bothering her, Serena smiled wide and moved to embrace her best friend.

"B, I'm so glad you're here," Serena said, hugging Blair tight.

"I never thought I'd see the day that I crashed a van der Humphrey brunch," Blair said as she pulled out of their embrace. "I'm guessing waffles are on the menu, Humphrey?"

Dan just rolled his eyes and ignored her. Serena grinned, strangely pleased that this strange new friendship hadn't changed their general dynamic. She had feared that their friendship would make them almost unrecognizable to her when they were in each other's presence. She caught Dan's eye and smiled at him shyly, not knowing quite how to greet him. One hand, it was family brunch and he was family, so it shouldn't be so awkward. On the other hand, he was her ex and they'd spent several weeks at odds before she'd left town. Of course, the fact that he was her ex and that he as family would likely always be some source of awkwardness, as they had kept the lines pretty blurred.

Luckily, Dan set the tone for her and shot her his full-fledged grin, opening his arms wide. She stepped easily into his embrace. "I'm just going to ignore Blair for now so that I can greet you properly," he said into her ear, but loud enough that Blair could hear.

"S, tell Humphrey that this is not how you treat a guest," Blair said, crossing her arms over her chest, a hint of a smile crossing her face which contradicted her haughty tone.

"I don't live here either," Dan reminded Blair as he stepped out of the hug, moving to Serena's side and putting an affectionate arm around her. "Serena is really the hostess."

"Hey, I'm the guest of honor," Serena protested, grinning as she gave Dan a playful slap on the chest. Serena noticed a small frown flit across Blair's face, but it was gone in an instant, replaced by a wide smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Humphrey, just go fetch us some mimosas and we'll meet you at the table," Blair ordered.

Serena expected some sarcastic remark about Blair not being royalty yet, but Dan just half-heartedly rolled his eyes and gave them a soft smile. "Okay, you guys catch up. I'll see you at the table."

Blair made no motions to move further into the apartment. "It is okay that I'm here, right? Humphrey said it would be okay..." Blair trailed off, looking at the ground.

Serena was confused by Blair's hesitance. It was unlike her to say the least. "Of course it's okay. You know you're always welcome here, B."

Blair smiled faintly and grabbed Serena's hands. Serena looked down at their joined hands, and suddenly the puzzle pieces came together. "B, where's your engagement ring?" Serena asked, concerned. She had a feeling it wasn't being refitted or cleaned.

"Probably somewhere over the Atlantic," Blair said dryly. "Louis and I broke off the engagement last night." Serena looked at her closely, trying to gauge where Blair's mood was. Blair wasn't blithely brushing off her emotions like she sometimes did, as there was definitely a note of sadness in her voice, but she didn't look like she was going to fall apart like Serena might have expected.

"Are you okay?" Serena asked tentatively, not sure if Blair was close to the edge or not.

Blair nodded. "I think so. I'm glad I'm here with friends," Blair said sincerely. "Don't tell Humphrey I told you this, but he was right to drag me along with him."

Blair's words stung a bit, as it sounded like Dan was the first person who Blair confided in. Before Serena could press any further, Dan came in holding two mimosas.

"Lily insisted I come fetch you both," Dan said, handing them their drinks. "Blair, I need to tell Serena something really fast. Can you go tell Lily we're coming?"

Blair shot him a questioning look, but acquiesced. Alone now, Dan turned to Serena.

"I assume Blair told you," Dan said quietly. Serena nodded, though Blair really hadn't told her much.

"I'm worried about her," Dan said, his eyes expressing his concern. "She won't tell me many details. I had to drag her out of the loft this morning to come with me."

Before Serena could digest the news that Blair had apparently been at the loft this morning, possibly after spending the night there, Dan spoke again.

"So, I have a plan," Dan said, smiling slyly. Serena couldn't help but smile back, even though she hadn't ever seen quite that look on Dan's face before. It sort of reminded her of Blair's scheming face. "I have a feeling you want to avoid talking about your future, and I know Blair would rather not talk about her broken engagement. I think the best course of action is to get my dad talking about his band. Once he gets going, there's really no stopping him."

Serena hid her disappointment, as she had actually been gearing herself up to talk about her future, hoping to have Dan's support. She didn't really want to table the discussion, but she knew it would be awkward to have any huge blowout with her mother in front of Blair today. Resigned, Serena returned his grin.

"When did you get so manipulative?" Serena asked, nudging him with her shoulder. "I think Blair's rubbing off on you."

Dan chuckled and nudged her back. "As I told you a year ago, adapt or die."

The brunch turned out to be more fun than Serena could have imagined. She and Dan successfully managed to keep the conversation on Rufus and his band, exchanging playful looks each time they redirected the conversation back to Rufus. After about twenty minutes of this, Blair caught on and joined in, Rufus oblivious the whole time. At one point, Serena glanced over at her mother, who in return gave her a knowing look and polished off her mimosa.

After brunch, Blair opted to stick around so she and Serena could catch up. They walked Dan to the elevator, where he fidgeted nervously as he waited for it to arrive. He tilted his head and shot them his familiar half-grin.

"So, uh, I guess I'll see you both around?"

"I suppose," Blair said crisply, a hint of a smile on her face as their eyes met.

"I'm sure my mom will want to do brunch every Sunday, at least until the house arrest is over," Serena said lightly, Dan and Blair breaking eye contact at the sound of Serena's voice. "I'm sure next week will be all about my future, so it would be great if you could really screw up this week to take some of the pressure off."

This caused Dan to fidget even more and look at the ground. "I'll work on that," he said with a nervous chuckle. A look of relief crossed his face when the elevator arrived.

"You two have fun catching up," Dan said with a final wave before the elevator doors closed.

"What was that all about?" Serena asked, staring at the elevator doors.

"I don't know," Blair said, looking puzzled and concerned.

Serena and Blair sat in Serena's room, working to polish off the leftover champagne from breakfast. Blair had been mostly quiet, letting Serena tell stories about her time in L.A., many of which Blair had already heard over the phone. Serena was glad that Blair seemed more relaxed now, the champagne beginning to lighten the mood. Now that Blair's engagement was off, she had a proposition for Blair.

"So, I ran into my cousin Charlie right before I left L.A.," Serena said hesitantly.

Blair's eyebrows shot up. "Did she follow you there?"

Honestly, Serena hadn't even thought about the possibility. "No, I just ran into her on the street. She's been living there."

"Why didn't she contact CeCe?" Blair asked skeptically.

"She told me she didn't want it to get back to her mom. She seemed to be doing well."

"Just so long as she stays on her meds," Blair scoffed.

"Anyhow," Serena started, not wanting to diverge too far into a conversation about her cousin's previous mental break. "She said she wants to come back to New York soon. While we made up after the Constance fundraiser thing, it would be really awkward for us to live together, you know?"

"Are you trying to ask me if you can move back into your old room?" Blair asked, raising an eyebrow. Serena nodded her head, waiting for Blair's response. "Of course you can come back. I'd love to have you," Blair finally said, smiling softly and drawing her into a hug.

"Good," Serena said, feeling relieved. "I'm pretty sure my mom would drive me crazy."

Three days later, Serena was safely ensconced at Blair's once again. Serena felt lighter than she had since her return, feeling things were slowly returning to normal. It was also nice to avoid her mother's disapproving gaze. Serena still hadn't brought up her plans for the future, and strangely her mother hadn't asked, perhaps being afraid to ask a question she didn't want the answer to.

On her first day officially living at Blair's, Serena was pleasantly surprised when Eric dropped in. They had tentatively made plans to grab lunch the next day, but she was excited to see her brother again after so much time apart.

"How's Sarah Lawrence treating you?" Blair asked, sitting down after giving Dorota orders to bring them snacks.

"Good," Eric said distractedly. Serena immediately grew concerned, hoping Eric wasn't having problems again like the last time she'd left.

She reached her hand over from her side of the couch to grab his, squeezing his hand gently. "You know you can tell me if things aren't going well," Serena said, the fear creeping into her voice.

"I'm fine, really," Eric said, shaking his head. Serena was happy he didn't pull his hand away, glad to maintain the connection with her brother. "I'm actually here because Dan sent me."

Eric reached into his messenger bag and pulled out two envelopes, handing one to each of them. He then pulled two hardbound books out of his bag, grimacing slightly before he distributed those as well.

"So, I'm just going to let you guys digest all this on your own," Eric said, hesitating for a moment. "Just, when you're done, you may want to go easy on the guy. He's currently researching plane tickets to Southeast Asia."

With that, Eric gave Serena's hand a light squeeze and stood up. "See you at lunch tomorrow?" Eric asked.

"Sure," Serena said distractedly, looking down at the book and the envelope in her lap. "_Inside,_ by Anonymous," the cover read.

"Do you know anything about this?" Serena asked after Eric had left.

Blair shook her head. "No, this is the first I've heard about this," Blair said distantly, staring down at the envelope which had Blair's name scrawled across it in Dan's familiar handwriting.

"So...I guess I'm going to go to my room and read," Serena said, standing up.

"Yeah, me too," Blair said, looking dazed.

When Serena got to her room, she opened the envelope first and found a short, hastily written letter.

_Serena:_

_I apologize in advance for what you are about to read. Please know that everything is loosely based on my life, and sometimes the characters' actions and traits were influenced by how I felt in the moment. I never wanted this to see the light of day; all of you are too important to me. **You** are too important to me. It was something I wrote just for me, trying to work through my ambivalence about the world around me that is now my world too. _

_Please never doubt that I did truly see you, even if my words may make you think otherwise. Every word I spoke to you was the truth; that is a fact. The book is fiction, even if it's not completely fictitious. _

_I hope you can forgive me, _

_Dan_

Serena felt her eyes mist over at his words, and she looked warily at the book, not wanting it to ruin the impact of what he'd written in his note. With a sigh, she began reading, knowing she couldn't dawdle because Blair was a much faster reader, and would likely come storming in the second she finished the book.

About four hours later, Serena's received a text message from Blair. Serena smiled before she opened, proud of the restraint Blair was showing my not barging in. _Come to my room when you finish the book_, the message said. Serena sighed. She was about three-quarters done, and she wasn't exactly eager to discuss it with Blair.

Serena had opened the book with great trepidation, worrying that Dan would expose some secrets or take out hidden resentments on her. What she read was even more disturbing. While the protagonist was initially had idolized the Sabrina character for her golden looks and charm, it was her best friend Claire who possessed more depth from the very beginning. "Sabrina" was flighty, breezing through life without a care in the world. She remained sunny and charming throughout, but she wasn't engaging. On the other hand, there was a depth to Claire that made her far more interesting.

Beyond all that, the thing that bothered Serena the most was that every character, including "Dave", the narrator, were clearly very loosely based on the people in their lives, except for "Claire". Claire embodied Blair, both good and bad, and stood out as the one character who felt like a real person. In the book, Serena recognized their friends and family in the same way she would if she saw a picture of them drawn by a caricature artist. Dan had even painted Dave as being far more brooding than Dan, spending his free time reading nihilistic poetry, smoking cigarettes and drinking black coffee. Reading Dan's description of his own character made her feel somewhat better about her own portrayal, as she couldn't imagine herself falling for Dave, but Sabrina was flighty enough to think that his moroseness was sexy.

When Serena finished the book, she didn't quite know what to make of it. Dave had fallen in love with Claire, only for his love to be unrequited as Claire eloped with the son of a powerful politician. Serena had to smile at this part; apparently Blair's real life was too unbelievable to accurately portray even in a satire of UES excess. In the end, Dave left the UES for good, deciding to move to San Francisco where he could start fresh and write morbid poetry on a different coast.

Closing the book, Serena sighed. She didn't really feel like talking to Blair about the book right now, but she knew there was no avoiding it. She got up and opened the door to the bathroom, where she found Blair's door unsurprisingly open.

"What the hell is wrong with Humphrey?" Blair said tersely when Serena entered.

Serena shrugged, not sure precisely what part of it Blair was focused on. "He's just a writer, I suppose," Serena said carefully. She was trying hard to be understanding, especially considering her recent career aspirations. She tried to remind herself that she liked it back when Dan considered her to be his muse; she should not find it a violation that he used her in his writing later on.

"Right, I forgot that you're a _writer_ now too," Blair said snidely, rolling her eyes. Serena bristled at the not-so-veiled insult.

"Why are you so upset?" Serena asked, moving to sit beside Blair on the bed.

"Imagine if I was still engaged to Louis and this got out there," Blair complained.

"But you're not," Serena said calmly, deciding this was one of those moments that Blair needed to be reminded of reality. Serena braced herself for the awkwardness of confronting the elephant in the room, but she needed to know for herself where Blair's head was. "Are you upset that Dave was in love with Claire?"

"Of course I'm upset about that. Then he had to make me into the selfish heartbreaker on top of it all." Serena was surprised by how hurt Blair was. She had perhaps expected some anger over him writing about the UES like he did, but she hadn't been prepared for Blair to be hurt, especially because the book wasn't even hurtful toward her character.

"I don't think that's how he meant that," Serena said, feeling weird about defending Dan to Blair. Serena took a deep breath, preparing herself to say what she needed to say, even if it hurt. "I don't know how much of Dave's feelings are fictional; maybe they are completely made up. But it's clear that Dan sees all sides of you, and he still thought highly enough of you to make you the center of his novel."

"I am kind of the star, aren't I?" Blair said, a small smile forming on her face.

"If I were writing the screenplay, your character would definitely be considered the protagonist," Serena agreed, then returned Blair's smile. "Yes, you would definitely be the star of the movie."

Blair's smile faded quickly, and she looked down at her hands. "S, if it turned out that Dan actually had those feelings, would we be okay?" Blair asked in a soft voice, sounding scared.

"Would those feelings be returned?" Serena asked, nervous about the answer.

"I don't know," Blair said, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. "He's _Humphrey_."

Serena couldn't help but smile at Blair's succinct explanation of her confusion. Serena wasn't sure what to tell Blair. She'd be lying if she told Blair everything would be okay if Dan and Blair started dating. However, she had a feeling things might not be okay if she stood in the way of their relationship, assuming things would even go that far.

"Blair, I wouldn't be mad if you and Dan got together, not if your feelings are real," Serena said honestly. "But I can't tell you that things wouldn't be weird for awhile. It's _Dan_, you know?" She said Dan's name affectionately, trying to encapsulate their whole relationship in the one syllable of his name.

"It's funny, I used to say Nate's name exactly like that," Blair said pointedly.

Serena sighed, deciding she would resist taking the bait this time. After all, Blair was right.

"You should go talk to Dan," Serena said, surprised by her own words. "I'd hate to think he's halfway to Phuket by now."

"Are you sure?" Blair asked tentatively.

Serena sighed. She wasn't even remotely sure about anything, but that was nothing new. "Just tell me one thing," Serena said, thinking about Blair's earlier comment. "This thing with Dan...it's not about getting back at me because of Nate, is it?" Serena watched as Blair posture stiffened, her face turning into an impassive mask.

"Not everything's about you Serena," Blair snapped.

"I know," Serena said, not bothering to add that Dan devoted 250 pages to showing her just how true that was. "I just don't want to see him get hurt."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate your concern," Blair said sarcastically. "And before you ask your natural follow-up, I'm not using Dan as part of some game with Chuck."

Serena stood up from the bed, exhausted from reading the book and this conversation. She wasn't sure when she'd become the villain. However, she would be lying if she said the thought hadn't crossed her mind that Blair's relationship with Dan was somehow connected to Chuck's hatred of Dan.

"You know Blair, just do whatever you want to do," Serena said, her patience wearing thin. "We've already established that it's not about me."

When Blair didn't say anything in rebuttal, Serena returned to her room. She picked up Dan's letter, reading his words to her over and over. She believed he was being sincere about seeing her, but his book made it clear that she was no longer his muse. She was ashamed at the sense of loss she felt at knowing her role in Dan's life was diminished. Now Blair was his source of inspiration, and possibly more.

A half hour later, Serena heard a tentative knock on her door. "Come in," Serena said tiredly, ready for the day to be over. Blair walked in, wearing her robe and looking like she'd been crying.

"I broke my engagement partially because of Dan," Blair said, her eyes misting back up. Serena was stunned speechless by this admission, allowing Blair to continue without interruption. "He wasn't the only reason, but when I came back to New York I saw things more clearly. When I was in Monaco, I would feel a rush of anticipation the entire day when I knew Humphrey was due to call that night. After we talked, I would start to miss home. When I came back, even though I saw Humphrey virtually every day, I still wanted it to be him on the other end when my phone rang. I realized that I didn't really miss Louis even though he was an ocean away, but I missed Dan at night even though he was just in Brooklyn. So, I broke off my engagement."

Serena was still speechless, trying to process this information. She knew how hard it was for Blair to admit all of this out loud, and she didn't want to discourage her because Blair could close back down at the drop of a hat.

"You should really talk to him, B," Serena finally said, feeling slightly magnanimous. Even though Blair made it clear that this wasn't about her, Serena felt that if she tried to encourage Blair, even if it hurt, that it might go a long way toward repairing old wounds that had never truly been healed.

"I probably should put the poor guy out of his misery," Blair said, a grin slowly forming on her face. Serena wasn't exactly sure if she meant that she would tell him how she felt about the book or how she felt about Dan, or if she was just planning on seducing him. Either way, Serena felt like she knew as much as she wanted to know.

"Good luck," Serena said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

"Thanks, S," Blair said, looking grateful.

After she heard Blair leave the penthouse, Serena picked up her phone. She contemplated giving Dan a quick call, but decided she wasn't quite ready to talk to him. She texted him instead.

_Mom and Rufus will hate the book. Thank you for taking the pressure off of me. _

Serena set her phone down beside her, smiling when her phone vibrated in return almost instantly.

_I did the best I could. What about you?_

Serena looked at her phone, not sure how she felt. She did know that she wasn't going to cut him out over this.

_I have your back if you have mine. _

With that, Serena shut off her phone for the night. She figured Blair would be at the loft soon enough.

As Serena laid in bed trying to sleep, she felt a mix of anticipation and dread. While Dan and Blair's relationship wasn't _about_ her, she hoped they would both realize their relationship affected her. She knew that no matter what happened between the two of them tonight, things were going to be different tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's notes: Thanks for all the great reviews, follows, favorite stories, etc. Real life prevented me from responding to reviews individually as I would like, but I really do appreciate the feedback. It's really a rush to see that people are reading and enjoying what you write. For those reading Unused Fire Escape, I keep wavering on a few key points in this chapter, so it's been a struggle. The sad thing is, the chapter after next is the one I've been eager to write since practically the beginning. Just know I'm not neglecting it in favor of this story-this one just comes a little easier because I don't have all that canon to try and conform to. **_

Serena knocked on Blair's door, hoping she was awake. It was only eight in the morning on a Saturday, though Blair was usually an early riser. It was actually unusual for Serena to be up this early on a Saturday. Blair hadn't returned from Dan's by the time Serena went to sleep, and Serena was both curious and anxious about how things had gone. Blair's door wasn't quite shut, so Serena gently pushed it open. Inside, she found no sign of Blair and no indication that Blair had come home at all. Serena decided not to jump to any conclusions, knowing it was possible that Dan and Blair decided to remain friends and Blair had merely crashed at the loft.

Serena decided to go downstairs and have breakfast, feeling a desperate need for coffee. She settled in the living room with her food, hoping to catch Blair on her way in. About five minutes after she began eating, her wish was granted as Blair walked quietly from the elevator, shoes in hand as though she were sneaking in.

Blair gasped and almost leapt in shock when she saw Serena in the living room. "What are you doing up so early?" Blair asked her, sounding almost accusatory.

"I had a hard time sleeping, so I came down for coffee," Serena said, figuring it was obvious why she was having trouble sleeping. "How did your night go?" Serena hoped her voice took on the conversational tone she was aiming for.

Blair sat down beside her on the sofa, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "I feel like I need something stronger than coffee for this conversation," Blair said sheepishly. Serena felt her heart sink. She knew what was coming.

"Dan and I..." Blair began slowly. Serena felt her heart race, and she dreaded hearing Blair's next words.

"You slept together," Serena blurted out before Blair could finish her thought.

"I was actually going to say that we both admitted we have feelings for each other," Blair said. Serena felt momentarily relieved before Blair smirked, then continued, "I was actually going to leave the sex part unspoken, but since you brought it up..."

Serena cringed. "Oh," she said uncertainly, wishing she could just leave the room. Instead, she decided to forge ahead and have the band-aid ripped off all at once. "So...you're a couple?"

"I _suppose _if I were introducing him to people that I'd call him my boyfriend," Blair said flippantly, making a show of looking at her nails rather than Serena, an indication that she was more nervous than she was letting on.

"Okay," Serena said quietly. She felt an overwhelming wave of sadness crash over her, and a harsh truth hit her all at once. She and Dan were really and truly over. No matter what happened with Blair and Dan, there was no coming back from this. With their parents married and Serena's mixed feelings about Nate, Serena knew deep down that she and Dan were always going to have obstacles. Somehow she felt like this would finally be the straw that broke the camel's back. He would no longer the boy who would always be there for her, no matter what he had promised her in the past.

Blair looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to elaborate. Serena stood up, turning to Blair and realizing she had to say _something._ She honestly wasn't sure if Blair was hoping she'd be okay with this, or if Blair was gearing up for a fight where she'd remind Serena that Dan was no longer hers anymore. Serena was probably even more surprised than Blair when she felt herself suddenly burst into tears.

Blair just looked shocked for a moment. "S, I thought you were over Dan. _Dan_ thought you were over Dan," Blair said sympathetically, moving to wrap an arm around her shoulder.

Serena sniffled and wiped away the worst of the tears, feeling embarrassed. She really couldn't explain her reaction. _Serena_ was also pretty sure she was over Dan, but somehow it still hurt.

"It's just...really over now," Serena said, stating the obvious. "He's just always been there, you know?"

"I'm sure if you ever need him, he still will be," Blair said as she rubbed her back, but there was a tension in her voice. Blair hesitated briefly, then added, "Of course, I'll still always be there for you too, if you still want me there. Dan and I being together doesn't mean we won't be there for you like always."

"I know," Serena said, though she had her doubts. She really wasn't sure how she fit into this new dynamic.

Over the course of the next week, Serena saw very little of Blair. Serena assumed she was spending most nights with Dan, but they never spoke about it. Serena figured her outburst had made things even more awkward, though she wasn't sure what the solution was. She didn't particularly want to talk to Blair about Dan, but she missed her best friend.

Serena started to spend a lot of time with Charlie, who made a really good shopping buddy now that she was armed with her Rhodes trust fund. Serena had been concerned that things with Charlie would be awkward, but she found it wasn't as bad as she feared. It probably helped that Serena never brought up Dan, and Charlie didn't seem eager to talk about him either. Without mention of Dan, it was easy to pretend the past hadn't happened, though Serena did occasionally check in with Rufus to make sure Charlie hadn't left any more pills in trash cans.

On Friday, Serena and Charlie were on their way to grab lunch when she spotted Dan and Blair walking towards them. Dan was carrying several shopping bags, while Blair only carried her handbag. They were walking side by side, deep in conversation about something. They seemed so engaged that for a moment Serena thought they may not even notice her, but that moment was short lived.

"Serena...and Charlie!" Blair said, smiling wide as she said her cousin's name. Serena noticed that the smile did not reach Blair's eyes.

"So Blair is putting you to work today," Serena said to Dan, making a gesture toward his bags.

Dan rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Apparently I make a good pack mule," he said in an easy voice, shooting Blair a teasing look out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh, please. Don't act like you're such a victim," Blair scoffed. "I helped you pick out a lovely gift for your mother, didn't I? Now you're just holding up your end of the bargain by serving as my shopping companion."

Serena couldn't help but feel stung by Blair enlisting Dan to go shopping with her, knowing Dan was less than an ideal shopping companion. She also wondered if Blair was just helping to pick out Allison's gift, or if Dan was introducing Blair to his mother.

"So what are you to up to?" Dan asked them conversationally, completely ignoring Blair's comment.

"We're just heading to lunch," Charlie said, speaking for the first time.

"We were about to take a break for lunch as well," Dan said. "Do you guys want to grab lunch together?"

Serena could see that the invitation was almost a conditioned response, and Dan grimaced almost as soon as the words left his mouth. Serena noticed Blair's smile go even wider, but she could see the tension in her body. Serena just prayed that Charlie didn't blurt out an acceptance.

Luckily, Blair stepped in, shooting a glare at Dan before she spoke. "Humphrey is just a victim of wishful thinking. He knows our next stop is to find him clothes to wear to the fundraiser tonight, but he keeps trying to get out of it," Blair said, looping her arm through Dan's possessively. "He doesn't get to eat until we find him some proper attire."

"What the hell does black tie casual mean anyhow?" Dan grumbled, and Serena couldn't help but laugh.

"Jeans, a tuxedo shirt and tie?" Serena guessed.

"I was thinking dress pants and a t-shirt, but Blair nixed that right away," Dan said in a deadpan tone, but shot Serena a teasing grin. Serena smiled in return.

"Ugh, don't encourage him," Blair said, clutching Dan's arm tighter.

"So, we actually have reservations..." Charlie said, even though they didn't. She was a smoother liar than Serena would have guessed.

"I'll see you two at brunch, right?" Dan asked before they could leave.

"Yeah. I think Eric's coming to this one too," Serena said. She didn't mention that she had begged Eric to come, as it was their first brunch since Dan and Blair got together. She thought Eric would help ease some of the tension. Between Serena's sketchy career path, Dan's book, Dan's relationship with Blair, and Charlie's return, it was bound to be an interesting brunch if nothing else.

"Excellent, I would like to thank him again for his service," Dan said, sharing a smile with Blair.

"Well, he'll be there," Serena said hurriedly, looking away from Dan and Blair. She grabbed Charlie's arm and started to walk away. "We've really gotta go. I'll see you Sunday." Without looking back, Serena started heading towards the restaurant, Charlie in tow.

That evening, Blair hesitantly entered Serena's room through her open door. "So, sorry that was so weird on the street today," Blair said apologetically.

"It's okay," Serena said with a shrug. "I hope Dan's arm is okay after the death grip you had on it."

"Well, you do know the crazy impersonator killed the boyfriend in _Single White Female_," Blair said. "I had to keep him safe."

"He's not _my_ boyfriend," Serena sighed, realizing she probably picked the wrong part of Blair's sentence to focus on.

"It didn't stop her last time with the 'Call me Serena'," Blair scoffed. "If it had been the movie, Dan would have had a stiletto piercing into his brain."

Serena had no idea what Blair was talking about, but decided she probably didn't want to know. She knew something weird had gone down between Dan and Charlie, but there had been so much going on that she had never found out all the details. Lord knows they didn't even more awkwardness at family brunch on Sunday.

"I think Dan's perfectly safe around Charlie," Serena said, rolling her eyes. She knew Charlie was not the person Blair was sending a message to with her possessiveness.

"Whatever," Blair huffed. "Anyhow, I just wanted to apologize for today, and for abandoning you this week. I'm sorry you were forced into shopping with Charlie."

Serena smiled, softening some. "Charlie was fine," Serena said. "But she's doesn't hold a candle to you in the stores. I don't think there was anything I tried on that she didn't like. I need your blunt analysis."

"Well, I think my shopping trip with Humphrey was a one-time experiment," Blair said mournfully. "At least now I know his measurements so I can just go buy things for him."

"I'm sure he'll love that," Serena said sarcastically.

"Oh, he hates it," Blair agreed. "He's already said that he draws the line at formal wear. Apparently your mom or Cece have purchased virtually all his suits for him anyhow, so he doesn't feel like it's an expression of his individuality. You know, like the bold statement he makes with his plaid shirts and henleys."

Serena couldn't help but laugh. "I kind of miss the stuff he used to wear in high school," Serena admitted.

"Ugh, the vests?" Blair scrunched her nose. "That is one of many reasons I did not approve of him in high school."

"Well, they were a bolder statement," Serena pointed out. They both laughed, things feeling easy between them for the first time since Blair admitted she had feelings for Dan.

"S, do you want to hang out tonight, just us girls?" Blair asked, almost shyly. "That's really why I came in here, but I got sidetracked."

"I'm going out to a nightclub with Charlie," Serena said regretfully, feeling bad. "She's been wanting to check out the nightlife, and it seemed like it might be fun."

"Oh," Blair said, looking disappointed. "I should have checked with you sooner."

"You could go hang out with Dan again..." Serena suggested, the words sounding surprisingly natural.

"He's having a boy's night in with Nate," Blair sighed. "There's beer and some sporting event involved. Plus, I was looking forward to a night in my own bed."

Just when things were getting more comfortable, the awkwardness returned. Serena wanted to tell Blair that it would be okay if Dan slept over sometimes, but she wasn't ready to be quite that unselfish. Instead, she decided to try and make Blair feel included.

"Do you want to come out with Charlie and me?" Serena asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, though I do feel like I should chaperone you."

"We'll be fine," Serena reassured her. "Are you going to be okay alone?"

"Of course," Blair said. "I should get caught up on schoolwork. Humphrey's been distracting me too much, and he doesn't have as much to do because he goes to NYU."

"You know that you're not trying to convince me that Dan's not worth my time anymore, right?" Serena had to ask, wondering to herself if Dan appreciated his girlfriend insulting him.

"I know," Blair said with an exaggerated sigh. "Old habits die hard."

Serena didn't say anything, but nodded in agreement.

Sunday rolled around, and Serena was dreading family brunch. She briefly talked to Blair on her way out the door, confirming that Blair was sitting this one out. Serena felt a little ashamed that she was relieved by this news.

When she arrived at her mom's building, Serena rant into Dan in the lobby. He tilted his head, smiling sheepishly at her.

"Well, I don't think this day could be more awkward if I'd scripted it that way," Dan said. "Or, I guess I should say if _you'd_ scripted it that way."

"Yes, Blair told me that screenplays are too _structured_ for you," Serena said tersely, not sure why it bothered her so much that Dan didn't approve of her medium of choice.

Dan put up his hands in surrender. "Hey, I think what you're doing is great," he said sincerely. "We can't all express ourselves the same way. Plus, I wouldn't want to compete with you if you were writing prose. If you wrote a memoir, I assure you it would outsell anything I could ever dream of writing."

"Well, you did date a major Hollywood star," Serena reminded him.

"I did, didn't I?" Dan chuckled. "I can't believe that was only a couple of years ago. It seems like a lifetime ago."

Serena thought back to that time, and it was eerily reminiscent of her life now. She had decided not to go to school, and instead was pursuing a career path that she had just fallen into. Serena told herself that this time was different, that she had really found her calling.

"So, today should be interesting," Serena finally said, changing the subject.

"That may be an understatement," Dan said, laughing. "My dad came over to the loft first thing in the morning after he finished the book to discuss why I felt the need to skewer my family. To make matters worse, Blair emerged from my bedroom in a Lincoln Hawk shirt."

For reasons she couldn't even begin to explain, Serena didn't feel herself bristle when Dan spoke about Blair, yet she inwardly cringed every time Blair mentioned Dan, especially when it was in even a vaguely sexual manner.

"So, the cat's out of the bag," Serena said. She had been wondering if Dan had broken the news to Rufus. Their relationship had been pretty well-publicized on Gossip Girl, but Rufus seemed to be strangely oblivious to the murmurings around him, even when they involved his family.

"I think he was most upset about the fact that I let Blair wear his band's shirt," Dan joked. "I might really be the black sheep today."

"We'll see," Serena said conspiratorially. "I'm planning on telling my mom I'm applying to film schools."

"That's awesome," Dan said, smiling wide. "I'm really proud of you for figuring out your path. I know you'll do great." Serena felt a warmth spread through her body from both his smile and his words.

"My mom will think it's just a whim," Serena said sadly. "She's going to think I'll quit in six months and go sailing around the world instead or something."

"Then convince her you're serious," Dan told her firmly. "In fact, read her the entire script you helped write at the table today."

Serena grinned and gave him a playful slap. "You don't get out of your black sheep status that easily."

Dan laughed and looped his arm through hers. "You ready to face our respective firing squads?"

When they entered the apartment, Eric was already there, sitting in the living room with her mom and Rufus. The three of them looked very tense. She had a good idea why Rufus and her mother would be tense, but Eric seemed fine with the goings on in both hers and Dan's lives.

Lily spoke as soon as she noticed Serena and Dan.

"Did you know your brother is moving to California after Christmas?" Lily asked angrily. "Apparently he met some boy _online_ and he's moving out there to be with him."

Serena's jaw dropped, and she turned to Dan and noted that he didn't look nearly so shocked. Apparently Dan and Eric had really bonded in the Hamptons.

Dan leaned over so that he was close enough to whisper in her ear. "It looks like we might not be the black sheep today after all."

At that moment, Charlie entered the living room. Noticing the tension, she turned to Serena. "What did I miss?" Charlie asked, confused.

"You were right. I really couldn't have scripted it better," Serena whispered back to Dan.

Eric's big announcement managed to deflect the attention completely away from Serena, and Dan's book only came up a handful of times. Rufus never mentioned Dan's relationship with Blair, likely out of deference to Serena.

Dan and Serena left together, Eric still explaining this seemingly rash decision. When they got on the elevator, Serena turned to Dan.

"So, you knew about Eric?'

"Well, I knew about Roger," Dan said, shaking his head. "I didn't know about his plan to move across the country, though I guess I'm not surprised. He really likes the guy."

"So you saw them together in the Hamptons?" Serena wanted to know who the boy was who had stolen her brother's heart.

"Yeah, he stayed with us a few times," Dan said, then smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"What?" Serena asked, intrigued.

"He didn't meet him online. Cece actually set them up."

Serena's jaw dropped. "Seriously?" While her grandmother had never outwardly disapproved of Eric's homosexuality, she never would have imagined her grandma would actively assist Eric in finding a boyfriend. She supposed she decided to just take matters into her own hands lest Eric find some Humphrey equivalent.

"Yep," Dan said, smiling wide. "Cece knew his family, and Roger mentioned at some party that he was heading to New York for a six-week internship. If you hadn't been busy working, you probably would have met him too."

"The one time I skip a party," Serena lamented teasingly. "So, I take it Eric said they met online so my mom won't hate him on sight."

"You would know the answer to that better than I would," Dan reminded her as they stepped out of the elevator.

"Yeah, he's my brother," Serena said, feeling sad that she hadn't known anything about this relationship while Dan had been known from the beginning.

They walked together to the street, then stared at each other awkwardly. "You going back to Brooklyn?"

"Yeah," Dan said, nodding. "I have something like three papers to write."

Serena made a sympathetic face. "Have fun."

As she watched Dan get into a cab, Serena realized that she still hadn't talked to her mom about her film school plans. She was beginning to think she might just have to set up a time to talk with her mom alone, as it appeared that she couldn't hold her mother's attention when there was a group of people in the room.

For the next few weeks, Serena began to adjust to changing circumstances. With a mom who loved both new husbands and remodeling, Serena was nothing if not adaptable. Blair was around most weeknights, as she had early morning classes three days a week and the commute from Brooklyn cut into her beauty sleep. Blair rarely discussed her relationship with Dan, and Serena never asked about it, always a little nervous that Blair would spill the more salacious details with her. All Serena really knew was that they both shared a passion for movies, art and literature, as Blair talked most about Dan when she would fume about some argument they had involving a book or movie. Apparently Blair still felt most comfortable talking about Dan when she was insulting him.

To her credit, Blair had been very considerate of Serena's feelings and tried to make the best of a bad situation. Dan rarely came by the penthouse, and he never stayed the night. For all Serena knew, Dan had never even seen Blair's bedroom. While on some level she felt a bit guilty that Blair couldn't host her boyfriend in her own home, she wasn't sure how she'd cope with knowing that Dan and Blair were in bed together on the other side of her wall. It was strange enough to know that Blair was gone because she was spending the night in Brooklyn.

Sometimes she wondered if this was how Blair felt when Serena and Nate were together while Blair practically lived at the Empire, or when Serena moved Ben into the loft. At the time, she hadn't really given those situations much thought. Now she felt somewhat guilty about having sex with Nate in the kitchen or for moving Ben into the loft without at least speaking to Dan first.

One night, Serena went down to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine to help her decompress after working on film school applications all evening. The penthouse felt strangely empty even though Blair had just been gone a few hours. Blair and Dan had gone to a movie at the Film Forum, something that sounded horribly morose and confusing to Serena. They had invited her to come, which had created a tense moment right before they left.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Blair had asked.

Serena smiled and shook her head. "I will leave you to your three hours about the pain of being human."

"You know, you're going to have to sit through all kinds of movies in film school," Dan said with a teasing smile. "You might as well do some test runs with us."

Serena spotted Blair's hurt look before Dan did. Serena still hadn't told Blair about her film school plans, wanting to have some acceptances in hand to show Blair that she was serious. Serena could tell when Dan figured out what had happened, as he gently placed his hand at the small of Blair's back and started to lead her to the elevator.

"We'd better run if we're going to get a good seat," Dan said hurriedly. "We'll see you later, Serena."

Serena dawdled in the kitchen, trying to figure out how she was going to explain to Blair why she had told Dan about film school and not her. Her thoughts were interrupted by voices coming from the living room. Serena decided she'd go ahead face Blair head-on right now, not wanting any hurt feelings of Blair's to fester any longer than she necessary.

Serena stepped out of the kitchen and into the dining room. When she reached the edge of the dining room, which was still cloaked in darkness, she could see Dan pressing Blair into the piano, the two of them kissing passionately. Serena wanted to run back to the kitchen, but she couldn't take her eyes off the site in front of her.

"You should probably go home," Blair said breathlessly when Dan started to kiss her neck. "You know the rules."

Dan kissed her briefly on the lips, then pressed his forehead against hers. "Yes, no funny business when Serena's here."

Serena absently wondered if they had some clandestine rendezvouses when she she wasn't there.

"You know, I had sex with Chuck on this piano," Blair said conversationally. Serena bristled. Now she really could never look at that piano the same way again.

Serena saw Dan move his body even closer to Blair's, his hands tightening on her hips. "I know that was meant to get me to leave, but somehow it had the opposite effect," Dan said before he hoisted her onto the piano and began to kiss her again.

"Someone's feeling territorial," Blair practically purred when they broke away for air. Dan gently stroked Blair's cheek with his hand.

"It goes both ways," Dan said softly, almost so softly that Serena couldn't hear. "You don't think I figured out that there was no 'book' you needed to lend me, but you wanted to make some point because Serena told me and not you about film school?"

More than the making out, this was the most upsetting part yet. Serena had no idea that Dan understood Blair so well, which was pretty remarkable given the amount of time he'd known her. Serena prided herself on being able to see past Blair's little games, but it appeared that Dan was a quick learner when it came to Blair.

"You're not mad?" Blair asked, sounding vulnerable.

Dan brushed a stray hair out of Blair's face and smiled. "For trying to jump my bones? It's your rule that you were breaking."

"No, for being jealous and insecure, and that being why I came on to you," Blair said sheepishly.

Dan chuckled and shook his head. "I'm not mad. First, I assume you also find me irresistible, and that's partly why you started groping me in the elevator," Dan said with a teasing grin before his face turned serious. "Second, I just wish you trusted how I feel about you. I love you, Blair."

Serena felt her eyes well with tears at the same time Blair's did. "I love you too," Blair said, giving Dan a watery smile. Dan leaned forward and pressed a reverent, almost chaste kiss to Blair's lips. When he pulled away, they beamed at each other, reminding Serena of a bride and groom during a wedding ceremony.

In that moment, Serena couldn't take any more. She slunk back into the kitchen, praying that they didn't break their rule and proceed to have sex on the piano. She had this feeling they might be loud enough for Serena to hear it all. She hoped they remembered she was in the penthouse.

Five minutes later, Serena breathed out a sigh of relief when she heard the elevator doors close. She slowly walked out of the kitchen, almost hitting Blair in the face with the door.

"Serena!" Blair gasped. "I thought you were upstairs."

"I figured as much," Serena said with a knowing look.

"How much did you see?" Blair asked questioningly.

"More than enough," Serena answered truthfully.

"I'm sorry making you uncomfortable in your own home," Blair said apologetically. While Serena believed her apology was sincere, she also knew that Dan was right and that Blair was making a statement by making out with Dan in the living room.

"Look, B, you don't need to be sorry," Serena said, hoping Blair would hear the truth in her words. "It's just an uncomfortable situation."

"It'll get better," Blair said reassuringly.

"I really don't think it will," Serena said, then quickly corrected herself when she saw the panicked look on Blair's face. "I don't mean that we can't be friends while you and Dan are together. I think it's just too much for us to also be roommates."

"I want you here," Blair protested. "I really don't need to spend every night with Humphrey."

"Maybe not," Serena said, trying to decide if she should reveal just how much she'd heard. "But I have a feeling that this was the first time that Dan told you that he loves you, but you're here with me and not with him."

"We made things work when you were with Nate and I spent most nights at the Empire," Blair pointed out.

"But you were with Chuck then," Serena reminded her.

Serena could tell Blair was about to protest again, more to win the argument than anything else, but then she saw the fight go out of her.

"Fine, you win," Blair sighed. "Go ahead and move out."

"Blair, we're not breaking up," Serena said consolingly. "I'm doing this because I'm afraid we can't be roommates, best friends and also have you date my ex. I think if we take out the roommate part of the equation that we'll do a lot better."

"I will forgive you for abandoning me on one condition," Blair stated in an authoritative voice.

"What's that?" Serena asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That we have one last sleepover tonight in my room," Blair said with a wistful smile. "You did cheat me out of a much better sleepover."

"I thought you had class first thing in the morning," Serena reminded her.

"It's nothing Penelope can't handle," Blair said dismissively.

"Then I'm in, so long as you never mention your other potential sleepover," Serena responded with a laugh.

"Deal," Blair said, with a nod of her head.

After a night of catching up and talking about nothing, Serena felt tired and content as she laid in Blair's bed. Right before she dozed off, Serena felt like a heavy weight had been lifted. She knew she had made the right decision by moving out. She already felt like she was getting her best friend back.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's notes: Sorry this update took forever. Canon is making it hard for me to go back to the beautiful place before the pregnancy was confirmed. Plus, real life is insane right now. This was going to be the last chapter, but I decided to make it four chapters instead of three. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I hope this chapter is worth the wait. **_

"B, I'm glad we were finally able to hang out!" Serena said, giving Blair a hug before plopping down into the chair across from her. Serena saw Blair give her a pensive smile in return.

"I've missed you," Blair said, a tinge of sadness in her voice.

It had been two weeks since Serena had moved out of the Waldorf penthouse, and Serena had barely seen Blair. She wasn't sure if it was because things were awkward as they readjusted to a routine where they didn't see each other every day, or if Blair was simply tied up with Dan all the time now that she didn't have to worry about Serena. Serena passed the days by spending time with Charlie, who was proving to be a fun companion. Serena couldn't remember the last time she had been able to just enjoy hanging out with a friend without all the complications of past history getting in the way. It almost reminded Serena of when she and Blair would hang out in middle school.

Even though Serena was enjoying her time with Charlie, she missed her best friend. She was happy that she and Blair were finally able to get together, as they'd been about as distant the past couple of weeks as Serena could remember, especially considering they weren't fighting.

"So, how are things going for you?" Serena asked, intentionally keeping the question vague. She didn't want to put talk of Dan off limits, but she wasn't going to bring up the subject either.

"Good," Blair said, looking down at her menu. "I've been busy with school and trying to find another internship….but things are good for the most part."

"I'm glad," Serena said, taking a sip of water. They sat in awkward silence for a few moments as they both studied the menu.

"So, how things with you? Dan told me you still haven't dropped the film school bomb yet," Blair said, closing her menu and looking up. "You know, Lily would probably feel better at this stage if she knew you had a plan for the future. Dan told me that she's worried about you."

Serena rolled her eyes. "So, she's using Dan as her messenger now," Serena said, feeling herself tense up.

"He told me you skipped the last two brunches," Blair said, shrugging. "Can you blame her for being worried? Plus, with Eric in California, you're leaving poor Dan alone with your crazy cousin at brunch. How are you even avoiding these anyhow? You're the one who lives there, not Dan."

"I'll tell her soon," Serena said tersely. "Can we drop the subject? I thought I was having lunch with my best friend, not my mom. Or Dan, for that matter."

"Fine. How are the applications going anyhow?" Blair asked.

"Good," Serena said, unable to hide her smile. "I got my first acceptance yesterday. I got into USC!"

"You applied to schools in California?" Blair asked sadly. "I just assumed you'd still go to school here in New York."

"I applied to schools in New York too," Serena told her. "But California is where most movies are filmed so there are a lot more opportunities to find jobs on set while I'm studying. Aren't you happy for me?"

Blair smiled at her, though Serena could tell it wasn't genuine. "Of course. Congratulations."

"Could you at least try to appear sincere?" Serena asked, rolling her eyes.

"Is it wrong that I'll miss my best friend? I just got you back, and now I might be losing you again," Blair said, pouting.

Serena sighed, feeling annoyed. She had hoped Blair would be more supportive. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves anyhow. No decisions have been made," Serena said, not wanting to get into an argument at that moment. "Anyhow, you're the first person I've told about the USC acceptance. I wasn't sure if I would really get in anywhere, so I'm really happy that it looks like I'll have at least one option."

"_Of__course_ you got in," Blair scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Did you really think it wouldn't work out for you?"

Serena decided to ignore that comment, not wanting to open up that particular can of worms. She noticed that Blair was playing with her napkin and fidgeting in her seat, indicating that something else was probably wrong.

"B, are you sure you're okay? This isn't really all about me going away, is it?" Serena asked, feeling concerned. She had a feeling where both the tension and problem might lie. She took a deep breath and steeled herself to ask the inevitable follow –up. "Everything's good with you and Dan, right?"

Serena saw Blair glance down at the table, avoiding her eyes. "We're good," Blair said, smiling softly. "Really, we are."

Blair seemed sincere, but Serena could tell that something was bothering Blair. Even though Serena really didn't want a lot of details about Dan and Blair's relationship, she knew if they completely avoided the subject that over time it would just create a wedge between them.

"B, you can tell me anything, even if it's about Dan," Serena said, hoping she sounded sincere. "Did he do something? I promise whatever you say is between you and me."

"Dan didn't do anything wrong," Blair said. "Really, it's nothing."

"Blair, I can tell when something's bugging you. Spit it out, no matter how awkward it is. I figure I owe you from when I dated Nate," Serena said, shooting her a smile.

"Are you sure? " Blair asked hesitantly. "I think I need to talk to someone, but I don't want to make things even weirder between us. "

"I can't promise it won't be weird, but it's hard to be your best friend if we can't discuss your boyfriend," Serena pointed out, realizing the truth in the statement. It was a bit of a Catch-22. If they discussed Dan, it was awkward and he came between them. If they avoided the subject, Dan remained the elephant in the room and things were weird between them anyhow.

"Fine," Blair said reluctantly. "I'm not lying; things are going really well. It's just….I can't believe they're still going so well. We've been together almost three months now, and I can't imagine my life without him already. I didn't see this coming."

"You didn't see what coming?" Serena asked softly, tamping down the varying emotions running through her. She had a feeling where this was going, knowing how Blair's relationship history had scarred her over the years.

"When I first got together with Dan, I felt this great affection for him and I did want to be with him. But deep down, I think I always felt safe because I couldn't imagine that Dan Humphrey would ever have the power to hurt me, that maybe this time I'd be in control of the relationship," Blair admitted sheepishly. "I know that sounds terrible, but I really thought his feelings would fade too, that we had spent too much time together and just needed to get the hormonal urges out of our systems and then move on to more suitable people."

"So you were willing to risk our friendship on a guy you didn't think you'd love?" Serena asked sharply.

Blair sighed. "It's not that simple. I did really want to be with him, and I realized quickly that I loved him and needed him in my life. I guess I just didn't instantly feel the intensity of emotions for him that I've felt in the past…."

"I'm not sure I understand, B," Serena said. "That night I saw you guys…"

Serena was confused. The scene she'd witnessed on the piano had seemed intense, possibly more intense than any moment she herself had shared with Dan.

Serena was stunned to see that Blair actually blushed a little and looked down at the table. Blair was a lot of things, but shy was not one of them. She'd always been the one who was more comfortable talking about sex, which was somewhat ironic all things considered.

"That's just it. Somewhere along the line, I went from feeling great warmth and affection for him to pure animal lust," Blair said, a hint of a smirk forming on her face. "Lately, I've just wanted him constantly, and it doesn't seem to be going away. We've had sex in a closet the last three times we've gone to an event."

"Blair!" Serena said, her jaw dropping shock. Admittedly, she hadn't been expecting _that_admission. Composing herself, she couldn't help but smile at her friend. "And this is a bad thing, wanting him all the time?"

"No…" Blair started hesitantly, her eyes filling with tears. "I just feel out of control, like it's starting all over again…."

"Like what is?" Serena asked, knowing the answer but sensing that Blair needed to speak the words herself.

"That I'm getting into another all-consuming relationship, like with Chuck," Blair admitted, a stray tear escaping. "I really thought I was safe with Dan, but I can't control myself around him. _I__'__m_ always the one pulling _him_ into the closets. "

"Well, one time I did pull him into the jitney bathroom," Serena couldn't help but say. Predictably, Blair's nose scrunched up in response.

"Ugh, my affliction hasn't gotten that bad," Blair said, emitting a small giggle.

"Wait until you're on the jitney before you judge," Serena said, laughing. Then she grew serious, reaching across the table to grab Blair's hand.

"I think we'll avoid any jitney rides to be safe," Blair told her. Blair tilted her head slightly, in a move eerily reminiscent of Dan. "This isn't super weird for you?"

It was weird, and Serena also couldn't quite shake the little tinge of jealousy that arose. While she and Dan had had a significant relationship, she was beginning to see that it lacked the intensity of Dan and Blair's. However, she didn't want to lose her best friend over it, or Dan for that matter.

"It's like a band-aid, we probably just need to rip it off and go full force into the awkwardness," Serena said, shrugging. "Really, B, what is scaring you so much? It sounds like you're just in love."

Blair sighed, not meeting Serena's eyes. "I think it's possible that Dan has the power to crush me. The thing is, I actually trust him. I don't expect him to hurt me , so if he does it would be like getting punched in the gut."

Serena gave Blair's hand a small squeeze. "You know as well as I do that you have to take a risk that when you love someone," Serena said in an even tone, trying not to think too much about her own past with Dan and how much it hurt when they broke up. Serena smiled wistfully at her friend before continuing. "I think you and I also know that he's worth the risk. If it's any solace, I'm pretty sure you have the power to crush him too."

"Does it mean that I'm really far gone that I'm equally terrified of being the one to break his heart?"

"I'm afraid so," Serena told her with a wistful smile, shaking her head. She took a deep breath, trying to decide if she should impart some more advice or not. She didn't want to intrude on their relationship, or hit any of Blair's weak points, but knowing the two of them she could almost predict what would break them up someday. "Just watch yourself with the games and manipulations, B. There's nothing Dan hates more than being lied to."

"I'm done with that. Our relationship is nothing like my relationship with Chuck," Blair said defensively. Serena could see her begin to close herself off.

"Blair…." Serena started, not quite sure what she intended to say next.

"You think I can't change, that Chuck has ruined me for someone like Dan, don't you?" Blair snapped. Serena braced herself, knowing where this was likely going. "You were the one who thought I belonged with Chuck, even though he made me miserable. I can see why you think my relationship with Dan is doomed. "

"I didn't say that…." Serena said, trying to remain calm. "I just learned from my own mistakes with Nate….and Dan, and would hate for lies to break you and Dan up. I'm not saying you're lying to him now, but you know your first inclination isn't to be honest when you're backed against a wall."

"Thanks for the unsolicited advice," Blair sniffed. "I know you think I'm the same person I was in high school, but I'm not. Some of us do grow."

Serena tensed up, feeling the anger pulse through her body. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're still stuck on your high school boyfriend, even though he's mine now," Blair said coldly. "You're just lying in wait for me to screw this up, so I can go back to Chuck and be the person you think I am. Of course, I don't know why I worry about it. You'll lose interest in Dan soon enough, just like I'm sure you'll never actually step foot in film school."

"Enough," Serena snapped. "Are we seriously going back to this same fight we always have? You clearly don't think I've grown at all either. I can't believe you don't see that film school is different, that I finally think I've found my way. Dan gets it, why don't you?"

Blair stared back as if she'd been struck, and Serena instantly regretted the words but was still too angry and hurt to take them back. She saw Blair straighten up in her chair as she always did before delivering the deathblow.

"If you're so serious about the movie industry, maybe you should just get a head start and move back to L.A. before school starts in the fall," Blair said, shooting her an icy glare.

"Maybe I should," Serena sighed before standing up and placing cash on the table. "See you around, B."

After that ill-fated lunch, Serena didn't talk to Blair for several weeks. She didn't see Dan either, who apparently decided to abstain from family brunch to present a united front with Blair, even though Serena herself had been avoiding brunch for awhile. She had been hoping Dan would come to give her moral support to finally talk to her mom about the future, but Serena lost her nerve each week when Dan didn't arrive at brunch.

However, Serena decided today was finally the day, Dan or no Dan. She knew that Dan was caught in the middle, and that he was obligated to take Blair's side in their never-ending battle. Serena found it ironic that at one point Dan had thought Blair was the one unworthy of Serena's friendship. Serena was going to tell her mother that she had found her path, and that this path did not involve an Ivy League education.

Serena sat through a mostly silent brunch with her mom, Rufus and Charlie. Serena could sense that her mom and Rufus wondered about Dan's whereabouts, though Serena knew Rufus made occasional stops by the loft. Apparently, Rufus went over once and made waffles for Dan and Blair, an image which Serena couldn't help but grin at.

After the staff cleared their plates, Serena smiled at her mom. "Mom, can we talk alone for a few minutes?" Serena asked hesitantly.

"What's going on this time, Serena?" her mother said in an exasperated tone.

"Nothing bad, mom, I promise," she assured her.

"So this has nothing to do with why we haven't seen Dan around here," her mother said in a slightly accusatory tone.

"No, mom," Serena said, deciding to just ignore the Dan issue. "Please, I just need a few minutes."

Her mom softened. "I'm sorry, of course we can talk sweetheart," she finally said. Just then, her mother's phone rang. Her mother stared at the phone, puzzled. "It's from California, but it's not Mother…."

"Lily Humphrey," her mother said into the receiver. "Yes, I'm CeCe Rhodes' daughter."

Serena watched as her mother listened to the speaker on the other side, not saying a word. She saw her mother's eyes fill with tears, her free hand shaking slightly.

"What's going on?" Charlie asked, looking puzzled.

"I think something's wrong with Grandma," Serena said softly, in a voice barely above a whisper. Serena watched as Rufus stood up to stand behind her mother expectantly.

"I'll be in touch to sort out the details," her mother said before hanging up. She turned to Serena and her cousin, tears beginning to fall. Serena knew what was coming.

"It's your grandmother…." her mother choked out.

"She's dead, isn't she?" Serena blurted, tears spilling down her own face.

"I'm afraid so, honey," her mother said.

"What happens now?" Charlie asked, looking like she was in shock.

"I need to call your mother and the lawyers," her mother said distractedly.

Serena felt a wave of emotion crash over her, not believing her grandmother was really gone. She felt the urge to flee, to be anywhere but that apartment, trapped with her mother and Rufus, both of whom had up-and-down relationships with her grandmother.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," Serena said, feeling lost. She got up and practically ran to the elevator. When she got on the elevator, she felt some guilt leaving her cousin behind, but she just couldn't deal with worry about anyone else. She needed to get out of there.

Went Serena exited the building, she hailed a cab. Without thinking, she gave the driver the address to the loft.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's notes: Thank you all for your patience with this story. As most of you probably know, I just did a huge move for a new job, so life has been something of an adjustment for me as well. However, I am happy to finally have this chapter done. I struggled with this chapter for awhile, but I like it for the most part. It's been an interesting ride to try and write from Serena's POV-I hope it worked. Please let me know what you think-I hope it was at least relatively worth the wait. **_

It wasn't until Serena paid the cab driver that the thought occurred to her that Dan may not be alone. Serena took a breath and steeled herself for the possibility of Blair's presence. She knew Blair would understand how upset she was, but she was also sure she wouldn't appreciate her coming straight to the loft in her distress.

When she arrived at the door, she knocked tentatively. Given the last conversation Serena had with Blair about her recent sexual activities with Dan, she was suddenly terrified of finding them in a compromising position. She felt way too off-balance to try and hide anything from Blair and Dan right now, and she wasn't sure what emotions would come out if she saw the two of them together right now.

Serena nearly passed out from relief when she saw Dan, fully clothed and alone, answer the door. His kind eyes and soft, sympathetic smile were exactly what she needed. Without thinking, she flung herself into his arms, burying her face into his chest. At that moment, the sobs overtook her as Dan gently stroked her back.

"It's going to be okay," Dan said gently.

Serena let herself indulge in the safe feeling she always had when Dan held her, not pulling away for several moments. Finally, she lifted her head and gave Dan a sheepish, sad smile. "I'm sorry I'm such a wreck," she said, completely pulling away and wiping her eyes. Dan closed the door and placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her inside.

"Why don't you go clean up, and I'll make us some tea," Dan offered.

"Do you have something stronger?" Serena asked.

"I'm afraid hot chocolate or coffee is about as strong as it gets around here right now," he said, shrugging. "Pick your poison."

Serena wasn't entirely sure she believed him, but she decided not to press the issue. "Coffee sounds good."

She went into the bathroom and splashed water on her face. After patting her face dry, she took a look in the mirror at her red face and swollen eyes. There was a time it would have bothered her for Dan to see her like this. There was a time when Blair was the only person who ever saw her so vulnerable, a time when she would have run to the Waldorf penthouse on autopilot in a time of crisis. Now Serena wasn't even sure what she would say to Blair if she saw her.

When Serena emerged, she spotted Dan on the couch with two steaming mugs in front of him. "You didn't even ask me how I wanted my coffee," Serena said with a soft smile as she sat down.

"I assumed you hadn't become a new person overnight," Dan said, returning her smile, clearly trying to feel her out.

"Well, I never thought you would date Blair. People change," Serena said ruefully.

"This is true," Dan admitted. "I remember the first time I met Cece. She scared the shit out of me, but you were glowing so much from her presence that I couldn't tell you how much she clearly hated me on sight. Then the next thing I knew, she was lending me a suit to help win you over at the White Party."

"Your charm has a way of wearing almost anyone down," Serena said affectionately. "Even Grandma."

"She never did warm up to my dad, though," Dan said, chuckling. He paused, reaching for one Serena's hand and squeezing it lightly. "I am really sorry for your loss."

Serena felt the tears start to well up again, and she wiped them away, sniffling. "Thank you," she finally said. She gathered herself a bit, then continued, "So, I take it my mom called you?"

"Yeah," Dan admitted. "She was worried about you, but she thought there was a good chance you'd either come here or go to Blair's. She called me, figuring I might see you either place."

"Did you call her while I was in the bathroom?" Serena asked.

"Yeah," he confessed sheepishly. "I thought the calls might get more frantic in a half hour or so if I didn't."

Serena sighed. She should have figured that Dan's first instinct would be to call her mom.

Dan cleared his throat, and looked down at the couch awkwardly. "That's not the only call I made," he said quietly, still refusing to meet her eyes.

"Surely you know we're not on speaking terms right now," Serena said tersely. "Or maybe you guys have been too busy fucking in closets to talk about how Blair and I had the same exact fight we always have."

Dan bristled at her uncharacteristic crudeness, but continued to look at her sympathetically. "She's your best friend," Dan said simply.

"And your girlfriend, which I'm sure is the main reason you called," Serena said, feeling angry.

"I'm here for you Serena. I always will be," Dan said, meeting her eyes for the first time since he told her he'd called Blair, "but I'm sure you remember what happened the last time I comforted you and we shared a bottle of wine."

"I'd never do that to Blair," Serena protested. "_You'd_ never do that to Blair. Did you think I'd try to come on to you? Do you really think I'm that thoughtless and selfish?"

"Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it," Dan said quietly. "I hurt two of my best friends that night, and I think in some ways you and I have never been as close since then either, as we had been getting pretty good at being friends and step-siblings before that kiss. Then we messed everything up."

"Do you want me to leave?" Serena asked, purposely misunderstanding him. She knew she was being passive aggressive, but she couldn't help herself. She had wanted the comfort of just being with Dan, without the outside world invading the loft. She had wanted a refuge, but instead she was being hit with more reality.

"You know that's not what I'm saying," Dan said with a frustrated sigh. "But tell me this: on top of everything else you're going through, did you want to explain to Blair why you left the loft completely disheveled tomorrow morning, wearing yesterday's clothes? You know somehow it would end up being a juicy Gossip Girl blast."

"Doesn't she trust you?"

"That's not the point," Dan said. "We love each other, and I know she trusts me to not do anything to hurt her. But with you...there will always be some small part of her that worries about your presence in my life. I wouldn't want to cause her even that tiny moment of doubt, or be the one who comes between you two."

It was Serena's turn to sigh. She hated how Dan and Blair's relationship made her feel like an interloper in what used to be her world.

"It's too late for that," Serena finally said.

"I was afraid of that," Dan admitted. "But it's nothing irreparable at this point, I imagine."

"It might be," Serena said, sobs suddenly wracking her entire body. Dan quickly put his arm around her and drew her close. "I feel like I'm losing everyone that matters...Grandma, Eric barely calls from California, Blair...and you. It's too much."

"Let me tell you a secret," Dan said softly near her ear. "Blair has been getting progressively sadder ever since you stopped talking. She may claim I make her happy, but she needs more than just me. She needs her best friend to be happy, and you need her too. Remember what you did after you told me you loved me for the first time?"

Serena smiled softly at the memory, that awkward boy so different from the man who was holding her now.

"You made me be strong and brave, which we all know isn't my strong suit," Serena heard Blair say from several feet away. Serena jerked upright, trying to extract herself from Dan. She was surprised when Dan didn't even tense up at all or move his arm from around her shoulder.

"Rumor has it that the loft was lacking anything to drink," Blair said, holding up a bottle of wine in each hand.

"Rioja? Is that what we really want to give Serena?" Dan asked teasingly. "I think last time she had too much of that she got married to a con artist."

"It wasn't a real marriage!" Serena protested, swatting Dan lightly.

"But you didn't know that," Dan pointed out.

"Humphrey, go open the wine and start pouring," Blair ordered. Dan rolled his eyes as he stood up, Blair quickly taking his spot.

"You actually trust me to handle the stemware you made me buy?"

"I make exceptions in times of crisis. My best friend needs me," Blair said, making a shooing motion.

"Okay, okay," Dan said, grabbing one of the bottles and heading towards the kitchen. Serena watched Dan fumble around out of the corner of her eye, knowing he was purposely giving them some time alone.

"I'm sorry," Blair said quietly. "I love him, but I love you too."

"I know," Serena said, pulling Blair into a hug. "I'm sorry my instincts took me here. That wasn't fair of me."

"I didn't exactly make it easy for you to come to me," Blair said sheepishly. Blair pulled away from Serena and looked at her closely. "Are you going to be okay? You and CeCe were always so close."

Serena looked at Dan again, who was standing in the kitchen next to three full wine glasses and staring at the two of them, wearing the same look of concern that was currently on Blair's face.

"I think I will be," Serena said, linking her arm through Blair's.

"You can come back now, Humphrey," Blair called out.

"Thanks," Dan said, bringing out a tray with the wineglasses and the remainder of the bottle. He distributed the glasses, then stood facing them. "To family," he said, raising his glass and looking Serena in the eye.

"To family," Serena agreed clinking both their glasses, her eyes misting over, not entirely from sadness this time.

"You know, if Dan and I got married then we would all really be family," Blair mused.

Serena couldn't help but snort into her glass as she saw Dan nearly choke on his wine.

"I think there's some rule that you have to wait at least two years from one engagement to another," Dan stuttered out. He paused, then smirked. "Of course, maybe that rule doesn't apply when you only knew the guy for a week before you got engaged."

"Like that rule you made up is even _a thing_," Blair said, rolling her eyes.

"Can we just change the subject?" Dan suggested, a slight plea in his voice. Serena laughed, giving Dan a friendly pat on the back. She wasn't sure how talk of Dan and Blair getting married had managed to distract her from her grief, but somehow it had.

"Fine," Blair huffed. She smiled mischievously, raising her eyebrows at Dan. "Do you guys remember the first time Dan ever came to the penthouse? He looked like he had never even seen a cup and saucer before."

"Sorry if some of us drink our hot beverages in normal sized proportions," Dan grumbled. Dan sat down on the other side of Serena and thoughtfully took a sip of wine. He smiled and lightly poked Serena in the ribs. "You know, that part of _Inside_ where Sabrina's grandmother gives that speech? That day, CeCe gave me that speech _verbatim..."_

When they arrived at the house in Montecito the day before the funeral, Serena's mom distractedly told them to figure out sleeping arrangements and that she and Rufus would take the pool house. As her mom talked to the caterers, Rufus was busy scheduling the will reading with the lawyers.

"Well, I don't think there's enough room for us all," Dan said sarcastically. "I was kind of hoping for a wing to myself."

"Humphrey, will you ever act like you've been around rich people before?" Blair asked exasperatedly.

"There's just always some new level of opulence to discover," Dan said.

"Please," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "The Archibalds will always win that battle."

Serena cleared her throat to get their attention, and they both turned to her sheepishly. She smiled at them hesitantly, knowing her next question was going to make things awkward.

"So, do you guys have any room preferences? There are upstairs and downstairs options, one with a balcony, all of them have huge beds..." Serena said, trailing off.

"I can stay with you, S, if you need me," Blair offered.

"We don't have to stay together," Dan protested at the same.

"You guys are cute," Eric said.

"It's okay, B," Serena said. "I was going to sleep in the room which shares a bathroom with Charlie. I think us Rhodes women should be together."

Serena felt bad when she saw a look of hurt cross Blair's face, but she didn't want her cousin to feel isolated. She could tell Charlie felt even more out of place than Dan, whose earlier commentary about the opulence of the house was more of a Pavlovian response than anything else.

"I'll put you guys at the end of the hall upstairs," Serena said. "That will give you guys a lot of privacy."

"We don't need privacy," Blair said. "We're here for you, not on a romantic getaway."

"It's a nice room. I think you'll like it," Serena said, ignoring Blair.

"It sounds lovely," Dan said. "I bet it's bigger than the loft."

"Seriously, Humphrey?" Blair huffed. "Go take our bags to our apparently palatial room."

Serena shot Dan a grateful smile before he walked away, knowing he was just getting a rise out of Blair to take the tension out of the room.

"Eric, I presume you'll take your regular room?"

"Of course," Eric said. "Should I really be worried about sharing a wall with those two though?"

"It can't be worse than sleeping beneath mom and Rufus," Serena teased her brother, watching him grimace at the memory.

"Thanks for that," Eric said dryly. "I suppose that was proper payback for reminding you about Dan and Blair."

"It's okay. It's not like it's a secret that they're together," Serena said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"But you don't need your brother making wisecracks about it, especially today," Eric said sincerely.

"I know you can't help yourself," Serena said.

"I really can't," Eric agreed. Her brother smiled at her, then stepped forward to give her a hug. "You're handling everything so well. I'm so proud of you. Grandma would be too."

"Thank you," Serena said, pulling her brother close. _ "_I really miss you."

"You need to move to California," Eric said.

"Maybe someday," Serena said, the thought not entirely distasteful. She couldn't help but think of that USC acceptance letter sitting in her drawer, which she could never bring herself to decline even though she had been accepted to schools in New York.

That night, Serena lounged with Charlie in their bedroom. Serena could tell her cousin felt out of place, not growing up as a true Rhodes woman like Serena had.

"I wish I knew CeCe better," Charlie said. "From what I know, she seems really nice."

Serena laughed, and smiled at her cousin. "Grandma was called many things. You might be the first to call her _nice_."

"I'm sorry...I have no clue how to act right now," Charlie said.

"You're here and part of the family," Serena told her sincerely. "All you need to do is be yourself."

Serena couldn't imagine how strange this whole situation was for Charlie. She probably felt obligated to grieve, but couldn't force the emotions for someone she barely knew.

"It's okay if you're not as sad as I am," Serena said, squeezing her cousin's hand. "I'm just so happy to have you in my life now, especially with everything with Dan and Blair and then Eric leaving. It's been nice having someone around who is both family and a friend."

Charlie suddenly looked stricken, and Serena was confused by her reaction. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing...it's just that I have never felt so included in a family," she said. "It's always been just me and my mom."

"Well, now you have us," Serena said decisively.

"Serena..." Charlie said, looking serious. Just then, the door to their room flew open and Dan and Blair entered. Blair was proudly holding a bottle of gin and Dan was carrying a tray with four glasses.

"We were thinking we needed to spend tonight just how CeCe would want us to," Dan said, passing out the glasses and taking the bottle from Blair. "Getting shitfaced and then showing up at the funeral hungover."

Charlie handed the glass back to do Dan and stood up from the bed. "I'm afraid I'm going to sit this one out. Alcohol sometimes mixes poorly with my meds, and I can get...kind of crazy."

Serena held back a laugh as she looked at Dan, who was clearly remembering the last time Charlie had been "kind of crazy."

"Thats...completely understandable," Dan said, taking back the glass and looking at Charlie cautiously.

"I think I'm going to just go to sleep," she said, standing up. "The time change is killing me."

"Goodnight," Blair said tersely, her continuing dislike for Charlie still evident. Serena saw Dan poke her in the ribs with his elbow.

"See you tomorrow, Charlie," Serena said, standing as well to give her cousin a hug.

After Charlie left, Serena sat back down on the bed and Dan opened the bottle of gin, pouring each of them a healthy portion. They each took a swig and grimaced right afterwards.

"Ugh, how does she drink this stuff straight?" Dan asked, looking at the glass like it somehow betrayed him.

"It's not so bad," Blair said, sinking back the rest of her glass. Serena took a sip from hers.

"It gets better as you go," Serena said, shrugging.

Dan looked at them both skeptically. "I think you're ganging up on me," he said, shifting his eyes between the two of them. "There is no way you actually like this stuff."

"Yes, we have nothing better to do than try and make you feel inadequate about your drinking," Blair said, snatching his glass from him and downing it.

"You're going to be so wasted," Dan said, laughing and shaking his head.

"You really are, B," Serena said, smiling.

Dan refilled all their glasses. "Well, I know I've been on a toasting streak, but I do think we owe one to CeCe," he said, raising his glass. They clinked glasses, and Dan grimaced and took a sip from his glass. Serena opted for a slightly longer drink, and again Blair downed hers.

"I think you're going to have your hands full tonight, Dan," Serena told Dan in a serious voice.

"Maybe there's a karaoke bar near here," Dan teased, plopping on the bed beside Serena with Blair rolling her eyes and settling beside Dan.

"Now who's ganging up?" Blair pouted. "Plus, Humphrey, are you really wanting to remind me of my birthday party?"

"I still can't believe you had an actual _peace treaty_," Dan replied, rolling his eyes at the memory.

"If you're not careful, Serena might be drawing one up for us soon," Blair said.

"How'd we go from engagement talk to peace treaties in the span of three days?" Dan asked, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

"I doubt I'll be writing any peace treaties for the two of you," Serena said quietly, surprising herself with her words. The gin seemed to be loosening her tongue. Dan and Blair both turned to stare at her as though they had forgotten she was in the room.

"Don't be so sure," Blair said, narrowing her eyes at Dan before taking another healthy sip of her drink.

"Thank you, Serena," Dan said sincerely. "Some of us appreciate your support."

An hour later, Blair was passed out, curled into Dan's side. Dan and Serena had been sitting in companionable silence for the past 15 minutes as Serena thought about all the changes they had been through. When Dan and Blair had first gotten together, she had avoided them because it was all too much for her to take. Now she was so grateful they were both here, working as a unit to keep her spirits up after her grandmother's death. It should have felt weird, but somehow it felt perfectly natural to be sitting on a bed with Dan in between her and Blair.

"If your 16 year-old self could see you now," Serena said quietly so as not to disturb Blair.

Dan looked momentarily startled that she had broken the silence, but then he chuckled softly in response.

"I know, right? It's all pretty remarkable," Dan said softly. "I don't think I've ever said it, but thank you for bringing me into your world."

Serena raised an eyebrow. "You don't sometimes wish you'd stuck with your instinct to run for the hills after the Bass brunch?"

Dan laughed and shook his head. "Maybe I did a few times, but it shaped where I am today. Without you being open to that awkward boy from Brooklyn, I wouldn't have had the material for my book. I certainly wouldn't be with Blair right now, and I wouldn't be friends with Nate...or you."

"Thank you," Serena said, feeling touched. She was never quite sure how Dan felt about emerging as an insider in the UES world. She always thought he was ambivalent about things at best.

"I think I want to go to USC for film school," she blurted.

"That's a big decision," Dan said evenly. "We'd miss you."

"I'd miss you too. I'd miss New York. But...I think I am ready to forge my own path."

"I can understand that," Dan said. "Just make sure it's not just an impulsive reaction to CeCe's death, wanting to seize the day and all that."

"It's not," Serena said. She paused, not sure how she wanted to phrase what she had to say next. "Nothing's set in stone or anything. I wanted to tell you first, as I will need your support when I talk to the family...and Blair."

"You know I'm here," Dan told her, and Serena could tell he meant it.

"And you'll be here for Blair? With her family all in Europe, she's going to get lonely."

"Of course," Dan said. "And for the record, I'm really proud of you. I know Blair will be too...and your mom."

Serena wished she had Dan's confidence. Suddenly, the late hour and the alcohol sunk in, and Serena felt exhausted.

"You should probably wake Blair and go to bed," Serena told him.

"You know, I think I'll just extricate myself and not wake her. Blair seems pretty content right here," Dan said. "Besides, I think you need your best friend tonight."

Dan slowly lifted Blair up off his side without waking her and scooted down and off the bed. He pulled Blair's shoes off and covered her with a blanket, kissing her affectionately on the forehead before walking towards the door. "Goodnight," he said from the doorway. "If you need me, you know where to find me."

The next morning, as Serena emerged from her shower in a robe, Blair blinked blearily awake.

"Ugh, what time is it?" she asked groggily.

"It's still three hours before we have to be anywhere. With the time change, it just feels a lot later," Serena reassured her as she sat on the bed next to Blair.

"When did Dan leave?" Blair asked, confused. "And why did you guys let me drink so much?"

"Dan left around midnight, and he didn't have the heart to wake you," Serena explained. "And you were drinking like you had something to prove, or you needed some courage."

"Ugh, could the California sun be any brighter?" Blair complained.

"B, is something bothering you?"

"I'm fine," Blair said quickly. "My head hurts and the sun's too bright, but it's nothing a little coffee can't cure. How are you? Are you ready for today?"

Serena nodded, surprised at how well she was doing. She hadn't really dealt much with death, but she was holding up better than she might expected. "I think so. Grandma's been sick for awhile, and I'm glad she didn't suffer for too long. She lived a full life, and certainly made her presence felt," Serena said with an affectionate smile.

"That she did," Blair said, smiling for the first time that morning. "I used to love going to the Hamptons house with you when we were kids. I remember how happy you'd be every time she'd visit."

"And how frantic my mom would be, which just made it all the more fun," Serena said laughingly an then felt a pang in her chest. "Of course, that would be those rare times my mom didn't take off with whichever boyfriend or stepdad she was with at the time, leaving us with Grandma."

"CeCe made us our first martinis," Blair reminisced, moving closer and leaning her head against Serena's shoulders.

"Grandma could sure mix a drink," Serena recalled, smiling. It was funny that her grandmother could make such a good martini considering she preferred her drinks neat.

"Do you ever miss those times, when we were younger? Everything seemed easier," Blair said a bit wistfully.

Serena thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. In many ways, things really hadn't been simpler for her back then. But, she could understand why Blair would feel that way. In their youth, Blair had her whole future mapped out, and two parents who could be distant but clearly loved her. Now, her family was scattered and she was with Dan, someone 14 year-old Blair would never have even spoken to, let alone dated.

"No. I like who I am now better," Serena said honestly. "Just think, back then we didn't even know who Dan Humphrey was."

Blair smiled and was about to respond when there was a soft knock on the door. Slowly, the door opened and Dan entered, carrying a tray with coffee and food.

"Your ears must have been burning," Serena said, smiling warmly at him.

"You were talking about me? All good things, I hope," Dan said as he set the tray on the bed. "So, there's coffee. Real cream and sugar for Serena, skim milk and Splenda for Blair."

"Thank you," Serena said sincerely, also noting that her favorite pastries and fruit were also included on the plate.

"Not a problem. How'd you sleep?"

"Good," Serena said.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Serena might have slept fine. I am dead tired, having slept in my clothes and makeup, not to mention the dull throbbing behind my eyes," Blair complained.

Dan rooted around in his pockets and produced a bottle of Tylenol. "I thought you might need these," Dan said, handing her the bottle and a glass of juice from the tray.

Blair narrowed her eyes at him but took the pills and juice. "I blame you," she told him as she glared at him, though Serena could detect the underlying affection in her voice.

"I fully expected you to," Dan said easily.

Serena unexpectedly found herself laughing, amused at their interplay. She hadn't spent much time with Dan and Blair as a couple, but for some reason she had expected their dynamic to change more than it had. In many ways, they interactions weren't much different than they had been in high school.

"I'm not trying to make things weird, but can I ask you guys something?" Serena asked tentatively, not wanting to bring up the elephant in the room but also genuinely curious about something.

"Well, with a preface like that, how can we say no?" Dan teased. "Of course, ask away."

Blair merely shrugged and looked anxious.

"Is this how you guys are when you're alone, or is this all for my benefit?"

Blair looked genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

Dan laughed at Blair's facial expression. "Serena wants to know if you're being unappreciative of my coffee schlepping or blaming me for your own overindulgence so Serena won't feel uncomfortable," Dan explained. He turned to Serena. "In answer to your question, when we're alone we dreamily read poetry to one another and Blair just agrees with whatever I say."

Blair lightly slapped him. "Like she'd ever believe that, Humphrey."

Dan grinned and shrugged. "This is exactly how we are in private. If anything, she's being nicer to me for your benefit."

"Would you just go shower and leave us to our breakfast in peace?" Blair said, nudging him with her shoulder.

"I see that I'm already little more than a waiter to you," Dan said with mock sadness as he leaned down to give Blair a quick kiss.

"You're catching on," Blair agreed smiling at him and squeezing his hand.

"I'll leave you ladies to your breakfast, as requested," Dan said with a slight bow on his way out.

After he left, Serena leaned conspiratorially toward Blair. "I can't believe I'm asking this..." she started, and Blair looked more intrigued than anxious this time. "But do you _always_ call him by his last name?"

"No, not _always_. I reserve his first name for special moments," Blair said, grinning and wiggling her eyebrows a bit.

"I'm sure you do," Serena said, chuckling. She felt like the moment should have been more uncomfortable, but somehow it felt easy. Serena linked her arm through Blair's and rested her head on her shoulder. "I missed you, B."

"I missed you, too," Blair said in return.

The funeral passed by in a blur. Serena's mom had decided they would refrain from giving personal speeches at the memorial service, preferring that they just share their stories in private. A minister spoke briefly, giving what was clearly a pre-prepared speech that he had used on many occasions. The flowers were as beautiful as one would expect. Serena was relieved that they had opted for a closed casket, as she was't sure she really wanted to see her grandmother's face in death. She preferred to remember her in life, almost always wearing that same wry smile.

Later that evening, everyone gathered at the house for the reading of the will. Carol had arrived earlier that morning, and Serena could sense the tension between her cousin and her mom. Dan and Blair flanked her on either side, with Eric sitting by Dan. Her mother and Rufus sat in the front of them, holding hands.

The will reading began uneventfully, with legalese in the preamble that Serena didn't fully understand. Right away, Serena was hit with a big surprise.

"And to my grandchildren, Eric and Serena van der Woodsen, I leave my home in Montecito," the lawyer read.

Serena tilted forward to catch her brother's eye. He smiled half-heartedly and shrugged, looking as surprised as she felt. Serena had figured her mother and Carol would get the bulk of the estate. Serena took a look around the room, not believing this house was her. Half hers, but still.

The lawyer continued reading, with money being allotted to both her and Eric as well.

Then the lawyer cleared his throat and looked up from his document. "This is highly unusual, but the decedent has requested that a..." the lawyer paused as he looked down at the will, "Daniel Humphrey read the rest of the will out loud."

Dan looked around the room, as though there were a different Daniel Humphrey present. In a different situation, Serena might have laughed at him. At this stage, the only people mentioned in the will were Eric and herself, so Serena had no idea what was coming next.

When Dan got to the front of the room, he fidgeted and played with his tie. Blair caught Serena's eye, and Serena shook her head and shrugged in response.

"So, uh..." Dan started, looking down at the paper. "It looks like this part is something very specific CeCe wanted to share, so I'm just going to read it. It, uh... looks like she has a message."

Serena saw Blair roll her eyes out of the corner of her eye. Serena nudged her, and Blair shrugged innocently.

"I wanted someone who will show the proper emotion to read the rest of my will, but who won't get overly emotional either. I think Daniel will be splendid at that. For Carol: I leave...uh..." Dan stalled as he took in the words. "Is it legally necessary that _I_ do this?" Dan asked the lawyer.

"It's not necessary, but it's what she wanted," the lawyer answered.

Dan sighed, seemingly deciding he'd continue reading for CeCe's sake. "Okay," Dan said, "but this is really awkward. Starting over: to Carol, I leave absolutely nothing. You think you pulled the wool over my eyes this past year, but you were wrong."

Dan paused, and the room was deathly silent. Carol looked to be in shock. Serena turned around to give her cousin a sympathetic look, but her cousin was staring straight at Dan, looking terrified.

Dan looked down at the page again, and his eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. He looked right at Charlie as he continued, "To my granddaughter Charlotte, I leave the same trust I left Eric and Serena. But this money is for the real Charlotte, not this girl Ivy who Carol hired for the past year. I know that girl isn't my granddaughter. No one changes that much since their childhood."

Serena felt her jaw drop, and she felt a wave of anger and sadness wash over her. She had confided a lot to Charlie in the past few months. She couldn't believe that wasn't her cousin.

"So, uh, I guess I'll keep reading..." Dan stuttered out. "The trust shall be administered by Rufus Humphrey, who despite his many flaws, is the one person I know won't accept a bribe. If the real Charlotte does not claim her trust by her 25th birthday, that trust shall go to the charity of Rufus's choice."

Dan cleared his throat and looked down at the will, once again looking shocked. "Finally, I leave Daniel Humphrey a trust of five million dollars to be made available on his 25th birthday. I also leave him one-third of my house in the Hamptons, to own alongside Eric and Serena. May he..." Dan paused, his eyes welling up with tears. Dan wiped his eyes before continuing, "May he have the money to never feel underdressed again."

Dan stared at the paper in front of him, clearly not believing the words he'd just read. He composed himself, and finished reading, "To Carol: this is a recent change to my will. I included Dan to show you that I appreciate people who aren't just after money and that I can't reward you after your deceit. I hope you are finally able to make your own way. And finally, to my daughter Lillian: I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, and I didn't leave you anything because you took care of that yourself with your husbands before Rufus. Please know that I love you and your sister both, and I always was trying to do what I thought was best, even if you didn't agree with me most of the time...Uh, that's it."

Dan practically ran to his chair, wanting to get out of the spotlight. The room was quiet until Serena's mom stood up and looked at her sister. "Carol, I think it's best you and...'Ivy' leave," she said icily.

Serena watched the girl she thought was her cousin get up slowly, tears filling her eyes. "I'm really sorry," she said, looking at the ground. "I just wanted to be a part of this family."

Serena was speechless, and she moved on autopilot as she felt Dan and Blair each grab one of her arms and lead her to her bedroom. Serena sat on the bed, still trying to register everything that had happened.

"So...uh...I guess this is your house now," Dan said, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Yeah...half-mine, at least," Serena said distractedly.

"So, was she actually crazy...or was that an act too?" Blair asked thoughtfully as she sat on Serena's other side.

"I think that might have been an act," Dan said. "But she was pretty convincing."

"You would know better than anyone," Blair said, raising an eyebrow.

"If CeCe knew all along, why didn't she say anything?" Dan asked, looking shell-shocked by the whole evening.

"She didn't want a scandal. If she called Carol out on it, word might have gotten out. This way she doesn't have to deal with the aftermath," Serena said, almost admiring her grandmother's ability to avoid a scandal.

"And now what happens?" Dan questioned.

"I bet Mom buys Carol's silence, and in return Mom won't press charges," Serena said. She patted Dan's back. "Don't worry. Carol won't sue for your inheritance."

"And...what was that about anyhow?" Dan asked. Serena wondered why Dan thought she had all the answers.

Serena shrugged. "That one...I guess you just take at face value. I think she respected that you're not after money. Maybe she feels guilty for making you feel uncomfortable at parties for yours afterwards," Serena mused. "She has bought you quite a few suits over the years."

"The funny thing is, after taxes you'll probably only clear three million or so anyhow," Blair said. "That's not all that many years of high end suits."

"That's...really depressing," Dan said sardonically. He then turned to Serena. "So, how does joint property work anyhow? Do we put tape on the floor to mark our third of the house?"

Serena laughed. "We just split ownership, though I don't know a lot of details," Serena admitted.

"What are you going to do with this place?" Blair asked.

Serena took a breath and looked over at Dan. "Dan, could you go see how Eric's doing for me?"

"Sure," Dan said, giving her hand a light squeeze, figuring out what was coming. He gave Blair a quick kiss on the forehead. "I'll be in our room or with Eric if you need me...later."

Blair looked confused, but nodded. Once Dan shut the door, Blair turned to Serena. "So, what's going on that Dan clearly knows about but I don't?" she asked tersely.

Serena sighed. She wasn't sure how it had happened, but somehow Blair seemed more threatened by Dan as Serena's friend than she was about Serena's romantic history with Dan.

"I've decided I'm going to USC for film school," Serena admitted. "I told Dan last night that I was thinking about it, but today just cemented my decision when I received the house in the will. It seemed like a clear sign that this is what I need to do."

"I missed you so much this summer," Blair said. "You can't leave me alone with Humphrey."

Serena laughed. "Blair, it will be okay," she said confidently. "And despite what you say, I know there are worse fates than leaving you with Dan."

"That's beside the point," Blair huffed. "He's not _you_."

"No, he's not," Serena agreed. "But he makes you happy. And he promised me he'd take care of you."

"I can take care of myself," Blair protested.

"I know. But can you promise me something?" Serena asked. Blair nodded in response. "Promise me that you'll take care of him, too."

"I can do that," Blair said, her eyes getting misty. "I can't believe you're going to leave me."

"We'll talk on the phone like last summer. You'll have to come visit me, and of course I'll come home over breaks," Serena said.

Blair looked down at her hands for a moment, hesitating before she spoke again. "You're not doing this...because of me and Dan?"

Serena shook her head decisively. "No, I'm doing this because I was happy here this summer. I liked the fresh start California represented," she admitted. "I'll miss you...and Dan, and the city. But this feels right. It feels like something I need."

Blair let out an exaggerated sigh. "I _guess_ I'm happy for you then," Blair relented. "But I'm still sad for me."

"Blair..." Serena started, then stopped, unsure of just what she wanted to say. "Thank you. For being here for me this week."

"You know I'll always be here when you need me," Blair said, almost a little defensively.

"I know," Serena acknowledged. She took a breath, hoping what she was about to say wouldn't be misinterpreted. "I am really grateful that you're here, and that Dan was too. Thanks for letting him do that."

Blair scoffed. "Do you think I _let_ Dan do much of anything? If you haven't noticed, he's pretty stubborn."

"I didn't mean it like that," Serena said. "It's just...he really loves you, and I think if you told him to stay away, then he would stay away."

"You and I both know that if I did that, I might lose you both," Blair said. She didn't say anything for a moment, and Serena was worried she was angry. "So...are things really okay with us now? With you and me...and Dan?"

"Yeah, I think they really are," Serena said, smiling.

"I'm glad," Blair said. "I missed being able to talk freely with my best friend."

Noting how Serena scrunched her nose at that comment, Blair laughed and said, "But not _too_ freely."

_**Five months later**_

Serena looked around her room in California, not believing it was actually _hers._ She pulled out a box of personal items, hoping to make the room seem homier. It still seemed wrong to completely change her grandmother's décor, but she wanted to feel like wasn't a guest either.

Serena busied herself putting away various odds and ends, and she picked up a framed photo. Staring at the photo, she sat down on her bed and smiled wistfully. It had been taken in her final weekend in New York, where Dan and Blair had thrown her an impromptu going away party at the Hamptons house. She was holding a huge novelty clapboard that Dan had given her as a going away present, and Dan and Blair stood beside her as she said, "Serena van der Woodsen in California, take 2!" and closed the clapboard with a satisfying snapping sound. Somehow Nate had managed to take a picture of her right as she snapped the clapboard shut, with Dan standing with an arm lazily wrapped around Blair as they both watched Serena beaming as she played with Dan's gift.

She placed the picture on her dresser, right beside the spot where the clapboard was resting. She looked closer at it, and noticed for the first time that Dan had written something in chalk on it that had miraculously not been wiped away.

Serena smiled when she read the clapboard: "_Dan, Blair and Serena friendship: Take 1_."


End file.
